Wet Cleanup in The Men's or Why I Refuse to Shop at Costco

it all started, as the best things do, on the damn internet

Lorenzo Lotto, “Venus and Cupid,” 1525.Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York. 

My friend, whom I love dearly, posted, why do men shake the gas hose at the pump? Obviously, my gay woman friend who posted this was having fun placing her tongue in her own cheek, for a change.
She’s a riot and loves to bait and encourage mansplainers who kneejerk react and have yet to figure her out.
These towering intellects explained with all kinds of obvious innuendo about circumcised penis cleansing procedures that they follow, following urination, because their Moms taught them during toilet training, I suppose.
Moms, being not great authorities on the penis, have been taught, usually by priests who are great authorities on boy’s penises, that babies must be circumcised or the future penis can’t be cleaned and gets infected. This is for the convenience of the oral satisfaction of the priest, I assume.
So, Moms sexually mutilate their little boys in that it is more convenient to shake the remaining urine drops instead of actually handling the offending member and use hygienic procedures.
This could lead to potential Onanistic spilling of seed as if everything didn’t lead to Onanistic spilling of seed and must be controlled by religion which also controls female masturbatiuon through clitoral amputation given half the chance.
The problem is that urine remains in the urethra (?) and leaks into the circumcised male underwear so that he is ‘running the world’ sitting in his own urine soaked mess.
As it were.
And is.
This explains why a pandemic virus is mutating and reinfecting conservatives.
The thought of grabbing a tissue and squeezing the remaining urine out of the penis and disposing of the tissue has never occured to men. There is no tissue at the public urinal. Or ‘hand’ sanitizer in the more private toilets where it used to cost a dime to defecate, and the practise is now returning in the more conservative owned establishments.
Conservatives love to control bathroom procedures due to cost saving profit increasing. Two squares of the thinnest paper from Costco is all you get to clean your rectum and the dispenser is on a lock down timer. No second chance for you screams the mechanical toilet nazi. Conservatives don’t care that you are now sitting in feces and urine, costs have been saved at Costco.
So men, out of force of habit, shake the gas pump mindlessly and women look at this and shake their heads in wonder, contemplating the urine deposited into the home environment that some conservative women are still forced to clean in exchange for food and shelter for her and the kids. Now this idiot is shaking volatile fire accelerant all over his car.
One woman, back on the net, responded that she didn’t want some old sketchy gas left in the hose from the last user. I said if she was referring to an oral sex act with a penis I completely understood, but gas is the best cleanser in the world.
I was summarily blocked of course.
Back in the bathroom, the mental giant moron conservative, shakes his penis, urine spreading hither and yon, stuffs it into his filthy underwear, avoids the hand washing sink, heads to the door, seeing me in a wheelchair goes to grab my equipment to assist me out the door, like a Christian.
Shocked and surprised to hear ‘keep your fecal covered hands away from me’, they storm out into the restaurant to have finger food, plying narcissists charm to the conquest du jour.
I received a complaint from one of these conservative moral midgets (I live in Calgary, we are battling an infestation of them currently) that his conquest du jour had left in the night with his laptop.
Ya dude but you just gave her your herpes virus because you don’t wash, not really a fair trade.
I await his response.

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